There's the stuff in the news, and then there's the stuff that happens because of the news. When it appeared strikes were imminent on our neighbor Syria, our Embassy went into overdrive, our little CLO office included. Not that you could see it, really, it was all in the back rooms. Much like the making of sausage, you really don't want to know. It went on for 2 weeks and every day was another day of planning and prepping and doing stuff that needs to be done anyway but done triple-time and NOW.
So there was that.
Then there was September 11th. Nothing happened, thank God, but again, with the anniversary there's a lot of prepping and ramping up of security and everything on edge. It's draining.
And there was the passing of my cousin a week ago. His funeral was yesterday and of course I wasn't there, like I miss every other funeral. His obituary is a touching one and can be found here: http://bangordailynews.com/2013/09/08/obituaries/daniel-rhoda/
I'm the oldest cousin on both sides of my family. To see folks younger than me pass stops me in my tracks. More than Syria, more than 9/11, it puts my mortality right in front of me. It's exhausting.
And now I'm fervently working to avoid this cold turning full-blown. I'm tired all the time. My head is stuffed. My eyes are worn out. I've added the physical exhaustion on top of the emotional exhaustion and this means that anything and everything drives me to tears.
Yeah. I'm a mess.
I don't need pity, I need understanding. I don't need counseling, I need cooperation. And I don't need help, I need sleep.
It'll all come in due time.
But until then, I'll be under the covers.
So there was that.
Then there was September 11th. Nothing happened, thank God, but again, with the anniversary there's a lot of prepping and ramping up of security and everything on edge. It's draining.
And there was the passing of my cousin a week ago. His funeral was yesterday and of course I wasn't there, like I miss every other funeral. His obituary is a touching one and can be found here: http://bangordailynews.com/2013/09/08/obituaries/daniel-rhoda/
I'm the oldest cousin on both sides of my family. To see folks younger than me pass stops me in my tracks. More than Syria, more than 9/11, it puts my mortality right in front of me. It's exhausting.
And now I'm fervently working to avoid this cold turning full-blown. I'm tired all the time. My head is stuffed. My eyes are worn out. I've added the physical exhaustion on top of the emotional exhaustion and this means that anything and everything drives me to tears.
Yeah. I'm a mess.
I don't need pity, I need understanding. I don't need counseling, I need cooperation. And I don't need help, I need sleep.
It'll all come in due time.
But until then, I'll be under the covers.
Oh Michele, I'm so sorry you seem to be at the center of such whirlwind of events. Hang in there this too shall pass. Isn't it always the way, you go along for days, weeks, sometimes months at a time and all is calm, boring even, then all of the sudden it just comes at you from every direction and for a while it seems there is no end in sight and all you do is your best and hope it is enough. Hiding under the covers so you can get some rest and catch your breath sounds like a good plan.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. Losing family and then not being home to be with family and to have to work through the grief alone is bad enough without all the regional issues in overdrive. Rest, cry, rest some more. You will get through this. One way or another. And hopefully with good friends nearby.
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