Not even 6 months in to the year.

It's been a week. Like opposite sound waves that cancel each other out, it's been a week of great highs and extreme lows. When you sit in the middle you're not sure what to listen for or what direction to turn.

What a week.  But what else should I expect from 2020.

---

My last grandparent died yesterday.  My favorite grandparent, my Babcia, who never had an unkind word to say to anyone, who loved her family above all else, who had nothing but smiles and food for everyone who knew her. She was steadfast and reliable and lived a life of challenge and loss and laughter and history.  She was easy to love and she will be so, so missed.

---

We've spent a lot of time watching the news. There are a lot of thoughts in my head, but they are mine and they have no place speaking over the words that those marching and protesting voice and what they live daily. Words are what I have and they are insufficient and have no purpose but to make me feel better. And this trauma is not about me.

---

Ian came home Wednesday night.  He's home, he's home for good. It's a wonderful thing.  It was a long 11 months, 11 months we hadn't planned on being apart, with about 7 weeks together in those 11 months, which sounds great, and was great, but still.... 11 months. But now he's home, and home is good. The sun is shining, the weather is gorgeous, we have some great food and each other and a cat.

---

The launch yesterday was a shining spectacle of ingenuity.  Kudos. We watched liftoff and then again today for the docking and hatch opening and it really is an accomplishment to be proud of. We've been watching "For All Mankind."

---

And the brightest moment yesterday, 5/30/20, was Rebecca's graduation from the Savannah College of Art and Design. Summa cum laude with a BFA in Production Design... she has worked fiercely for her degree, cultivated relationships, earned recognition, and pushed through uncertainty and every challenge thrown at her. We all see what's ahead - more uncertainty, more challenge, more work. Her industry is exploring how it can reopen with new safety guidelines and she will process through it together with the rest, and we'll be there to assist as we can. We can't restart Amazon or Netflix or any part of the entertainment industry but we can help her with other things as needed. 

---

Several horrible things.

--- 

Several great things, and we need them, all of them. These huge things. And the small things, the tiny things, the minuscule things. The birds at the bird feeder, the puffy clouds, the hand holding, the Starbucks, the comfy couch, the clean water, the lack of rockets, the ability to stay safe at home. 

We are lucky and we are privileged, and we will not speak above the voices that need to be heard. We will use our votes and our funds to do what we can to amplify the voices that do matter.

Yesterday - 5/30/20: In the Foreign Service we don't say Goodbye

We say... See you soon.  Happy onward. Or Until we meet again. We are blessed by the people who cross our paths, enter our lives, become part of our family, some who make a huge impression on us by their goodness and kindness, who make us laugh and have wonderful stories to tell, and who we truly truly love.

In the Foreign Service there are no Farewells to those we love. In my life, there are no Farewells to those I love.

So to Babcia, our Babcia...

Until we meet again. I love you.

2016

Happy Anniversary to my one and only

24.

It was a beautiful day 24 years ago that I had the honor of marrying the guy...

who then traveled the world with me...

raised 4 awesome kids with me...

who makes me laugh...

and think...

and just love spending time with him...

This is the first time in 24 years we haven't spent our anniversary together, and hopefully it will be the last time we're apart.  When we were going to Baghdad together, I didn't even think about it.  When we ended up not going together, he scheduled his final R&R to coincide with our anniversary and Becca's graduation.  Then, well, the rest is history.  Today is the day and he's not here, and what choice do we have but to be OK with it all?  We video chatted.  I told him I loved him. And I miss him. But like all the things this past year, I do what I need to do, he does what he needs to do. Have there been moments of emotional frailty? On my side, I'll admit yes. Thank goodness for my kids, my job, my home - all sources of comfort and normalcy.

We make plans for when we do reunite again. Next week? June? I don't know.  

But it will happen and I'll be ready and waiting.

Time is flying at the same time it's not

Each week I make a pot of something that then feeds me a good chunk of the rest of the week, especially for work lunches. Usually it's something like chili, Panda Express orange chicken (but with tofu), or like last week's butter tofu (Indian butter chicken but instead of chicken... well tofu).  This week it's a vegan pad thai that is oh so good.

It's interesting to see what's sold out at the store each week.  This time it was sesame oil, but thankfully weeks ago I'd bought a bottle for a different recipe. Flour is still markedly absent from the shelves, I'm starting to wonder what's up with that because it's been at least 6 weeks and how is the distribution cycle not adjusting? My parents did curbside drop-off a 5lb bag they successfully nabbed at Aldi a couple weeks ago, so it's just curiousity on my part. Where is the flour?

I finished the blanket I was working on.  It's a continuous mitred square (fiber spider tutorial on YouTube)  that started with some skeins I was gifted at Christmas. It's a lap blanket and pretty heavy, good for winter time.

Of course finishing one project means I picked up another project - a cross-stitch I've been carrying around for at least a decade. Cross-stitches are hard for me so it'll take some time to complete.  My eyesight is changing and this Aida cloth has really small Xs, it's clearly only a daytime project.

I also have a project to make a vest for Jonathon.  I admit that I've put this particular project off because it's a) a piece of clothing in a b) new stitch.  It's scary and will take a lot of concentration so TV will only have to show something mindless, like The Office.

I'm still making masks for my co-workers. I've switched to a more duckbill pattern rather than pleated.  The nice thing with the pleated is that they'll fit any face shape or size.  The patterned ones fit my face but I have no idea how well they fit others.  I do like that they don't need bias tape at all.  A single ~45in shoelace threaded through the sides makes the whole thing snug.  I have not gone down the nose-clip rabbit hole, but I do ponder how easy it might be to retrofit the masks I've made. Afterall, the morning glass-fogging can be quite annoying.

Wish us luck that the upcoming travel our family needs will come to pass.  Ian made Jonathon a flight reservation to come home in 2 weeks.  His flight was canceled this morning.  Ian is supposed to come home in 10 days. No confirmation on that flight. Nicholas is supposed to deploy for training this coming week. Fingers crossed.

So guess I'll go get some coffee, do laundry, and clean the kitchen. Again.